Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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