i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
