Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
