Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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