One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
