remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
