i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
