Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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