I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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