rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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