just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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