we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
