I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
