Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
