Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
