the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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