so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
