He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize