Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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