everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
