she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
