3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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