Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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