Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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