You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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