she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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