Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Come back. Shots need mouths.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
