I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
