This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
