I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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