Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
