I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
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We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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I still have a little drunk in my system
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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