She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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