He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
