Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
