Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
