No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
