I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
