woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize