He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
