yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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