Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize