Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
we should paint friendship bongs
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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