all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
