Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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