He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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