My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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