My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
