Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
