dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
