I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Randomize
