her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
