Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
