i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
