Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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