Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
