i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
