I met the friendliest cop last night
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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