last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
