Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize