he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
