sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
