He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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