So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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