Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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