I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
