You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
