She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
